“We’ll be back shortly.” Tumblr’s homepage read Sunday, as thousands of innocent bloggers, brutally denied access to the popular microblogging site, were forced to find other stuff to do with their time. “What the fuck is this??” said 22-year-old Chicago blogger Michael Davis, as he intermittently refreshed the screen every few seconds, only to be greeted by the error message. “It’s like it’s TAUNTING me!!” he continued, a single tear slipping from his eye.
No one knows exactly what the cause of The Great Tumblr Outage of 2010 was, though former Alaska governor Sarah Palin wasted no time in blaming the incident on Al Quaeda, which she described as “A freedom-hating terrorist group from North Korea”. She told NBC’s The Today Show that America “should stop at nothing to bring Al Quaeda and their leader, Kim Jong Il, to justice.” At which point Matt Lauer asked her to please remove her mic and leave the studio forever.The one thing that can be certain is that Tumblr’s absence triggered a spike in productivity that hasn’t been seen since the dawn of the internet and left thousands of confused teenagers and young adults in its wake.
“This fucking sucks!” said Ashley Montgomery, 17, a blogger from Ontario, Canada. “What am I supposed to do without Tumblr?” she asked while looking up Tumblr related news on other websites. “I mean, I guess I could spend time with my family or something, but what’s the point?? They don’t understand me because 80% of everything I say is memes!” she began to weep. “My creys!!”
14-year-old Joshua Wentworth of Illinois shared Ashley’s sentiment. “It’s 8:45 on a Sunday night and I’m doing homework. This is just…wrong.”
After an emergency briefing at the White House, President Obama pledged 20 million dollars in disaster relief funds and said that the federal government would do whatever it takes to get Tumblr back to normal. “Americans everywhere should be able to look at funny pictures of cats and talk about how much they love Nutella,” the president said. “It’s what our forefathers would have wanted.”
In a related story, Sunday marked the third straight month that social networking site Myspace had been down, only nobody noticed. Because it’s Myspace. When we asked Myspace founder Tom Anderson if he had any expectations about when Myspace would be back up, he said he’d deleted his account and added, “Dude, it’s 2010. Who the fuck uses Myspace anymore?”
(Source: pretentioushipstercats)
